BlitzBlog

“I have 97 friends.” the kid said to me. The kid was about 22 years old.

“Wow.” I replied. “You must have some rockin' parties!”

“Well, most of them, I've really never met.”

“Friends you've never met?” I queried. “How can they be your friends if you've never met them?”

“They're my online friends. They my Facebook and MySpace friends.”

“Ah, so how many of these friends have you met?”

“Um…” he paused and pondered, “I think four.”

“Those four, so they're your good friends.”

“Hmmm, I guess.  Like what do you mean by good friends?”

“Well have they ever helped you move?”

“Move? Move what?”

“You know, move. Like your apartment. Have they ever helped you move a couch or a computer up a couple of flights of stairs?”

“Unnn, no. My dad helped me move into my apartment. And it's on the ground floor.  What do stairs have to do with Facebook?”

I don't think my point was getting through.

“Have any of these good friends picked you up at the airport?”

“Unnn, no.”

“So what, exactly makes these people your friends?”

“Well, they post a lot to my page. We IM and text back and forth a lot.”

(I'll pause here to heave a Great Sigh.)

There is a new phenomenon, or paradigm, or fad, if you will, going on in the world. The fact that you're reading this on an internet blog means you're likely already aware of it. It's called Social Networking, and it's taking place on the latest version of the internet; Web 2.0 (two-point-oh).

Now I'm no Luddite, mind you, but I think that this whole concept is 90% bullshit. (If you're under 30 or in California, I'll wait for… gasp!).

People, we've begun a new age in which people who are electronic pen pals are being confused with actual friends. While yes, an electronic pen pal can provide some distant emotional support in a time of crisis, in the middle of the night when there's no one else around, there is no doubt in my mind that 99% of these pen pals will not be flying out on a plane from Seattle to help you move that couch to your new digs, or show up with a pizza and ice cream after your boyfriend has broken up with you.

Social Networking is nothing more than an expanded group of people with whom you have a casual acquaintance. While you may have poured you heart out in epic tomes to these people you've never met, they are not your friends.

And while you may have been impressed by a person's online credentials and references, these people are not your trusted colleagues. They may be part of your business network. They may be one of your connections on Linked-in.com, but unless you've shook their hands, looked them in the eye (and not through a web cam), and risked thousands of your company's dollars on their ability to deliver what they promise, they are not a known vendor. They're a name on your computer screen, whose credentials could be as worthless as a Nigerian bank check.

As for Web Two-Point-Oh, the name itself ridiculously self-unaware and inaccurate. Web 2.0 really evolved into itself in about 1990- almost 20 years ago- with the original DarpaNet going commercial with the introduction Compuserve and the original America Online. Since that time, the only change in the Web is that the backbone and technology have become more robust and allowed, for the most part, real-time speed. This speed has given folks abilities to interact comfortably, and has allowed your computer screen to have fancy graphics like you see on TV and in the movies. Beyond that, functionally, email is still just a fast, paperless way to send a fax. And video chatting is still just a picture phone with a Qwerty keyboard. Since the real advent of Web 2.0 way back when Al Gore hadn't even invented the Internet yet, the main difference has basically just been all about speed and sizzle.  And the real time aspect has brought the rise of that buzzword, Social Networking.

And that, my frien…uh, pen pals, is what it is- a BuzzWord. That's all. Social Networking is a giant online party, a gargantuan business affair where you'll be able to meet and make acquaintance with millions of people you probably would never want as friends.

Now get back to work. Go meet with your client and shake on that deal.

Or go over to your friend's house and give them a hug.

THAT is Social Networking.

Fathers' Day is one of those days that makes a man take stock of his life. Where he's been; where he's at, maybe even where he's going. And, in my house, it is one of the most relaxing days of the year, just as I like it.

In years past, before M&K (Marriage and Kids), my dad and I usually met somewhere to go out for Fathers Day somewhere- a ball game, Broadway show, Atlantic City. (See Betty & The Baby Backs).

One in particular comes to mind, probably a bit more than 20 years ago….

I picked up my dad at his apartment and we went to the diner for some brunch and to discuss what we wanted to do. He suggested we head to AC (Atlantic City). So at About 12:30 we got in the car, full of bacon and eggs, and got on the Garden State Parkway for the 2-hour drive. By 2:45 we're standing in the casino, looking for a hot $10 craps table. At about 25 years old, I've got about $250 to blow, my dad, probably $1000.  We belly up and buy some chips.

Immediately, the dice hit the table, and numbers are rolling like crazy. People are hitting their points, rolling 7s, just going on and on for 5, 7, 10 rolls before finally crapping out. Dad and I are backing up our bets, buying odds, hitting on stupid hard-ways and $20 “yo's”, throwing $20 chips down for the “dealer” and just plain ol' raking in the winnings. At one point I've got my whole $250 stake on the table in various places, with a bunch of chips on the rail in front of me. The dice are on fire, the whole table is screaming and money is flowing.

Finally after about 45 minutes, there's a lull between shooters, and I look down at my chips on the rail and I've got a stack a foot wide of $20s, $50s, and hundreds. My Dad is doing even better, as I see he's got more chips and there's definitely more hundreds in his pile.  He leans over to me and asks, “How you doin?”  I make a quick calculation and say, smiling with shock and glee, “It looks like I'm up about $3500.” He replies, “I'm up a lot too, let's go home.”

“Huh?…Go?…..Go home? Now? We just got here.”

“You want stay and give it all back?”

I quickly grasp his point, take a breath, and say, “Let's go.”

We cash out, Dad with about $10Gs in his pocket, me with my $3500+. We saunter out on to the boardwalk and take a leisurely stroll. I buy a couple of Macanudos and we watch the people and the beach while enjoying our victory stogies. We spend about half an hour watching a chicken play tick-tac-toe and then walk back to the valet to get the car.

On the way home, we stop about halfway, at the venerable Evelyn's in Belmar for a celebratory meal of steak and lobster. By 7 o'clock, I've dropped Dad back at his place and I'm on my couch staring at the wad of cash on my coffee table, making plans for it.

Exciting? Yes. Relaxing. No.  Just what it should be.

________________

So this Fathers Day, My wife and my kids ask, “What do you want for Fathers Day?”

My simple reply is that I want nothing. Well, not “nothing” nothing, really. I want to sleep late, have a bagel and coffee in bed while watching CBS Sunday Morning News and Meet the Press (to watch a tribute on the tragic early demise of the recently deceased Tim Russert). I then want to get up and do … Nothing.

My wonderful doting daughter has toasted my bagel and has brought me a tray of breakfast, complete with a small floral vase. She then brings me my gift (Home Depot gift card!- I do need a new cordless power drill) from she and my son (who, like any good teenager at 10am on a Sunday morning, is still fast asleep).

Since this is the first Fathers Day that my now 92-year-old dad is living with us, I can hear him meandering about the kitchen and my daughter cheerily greeting him, “Happy Fathers Day Grampa!”

I drag my lazy bones out of bed at around noon, come downstairs and find my dad to give him his card. My wife has returned from the store bearing my dad's gift, and he and I settle in to watch a ball game. Our plan is to head to our friends' house at around 3:30 for a BBQ and some time in their pool.

Exciting? No. Relaxing. Absolutely.  Just what it should be.